OptionalFiction

I don't believe in God anymore. In the sense that She's not gonna do anything for us. I do believe in Her existence. I met her once, down on Fremont Street in Las Vegas, where She was doing card tricks. I had spent a week in Las Vegas on vacation. I had set aside some money to blow on casinos and as it was the last night I had gone big at the roulette table where it only took 40 minutes to get rid of it all. Not wanting to get to bed early on my last night I wandered around and enjoyed the night that was still young. I was pulled along by all the giant LED screens, the music and the crowds moving through. Above, people were flying down the street mounted on a zipline. I stopped at a stage to watch a band play for a while and then moved on to see what else this street had to offer. Then I saw Her. I have never been that religious. I have been to a church a couple of times. But when I saw Her I knew it was God. I was completely enthralled. I approached. She offered some guy a deck of cards. “Would you shuffle this deck for Me?” God was a woman of small stature with warm brown skin. Her hair was done up in two buns. She was wearing a black slash midi dress and black heels. She had a small tan suitcase next to Her and a speaker hooked up to the microphone She was wearing. She finished some trick or other and the bystanders had applauded and put a couple bills in a hat She'd passed around. The crowd dispersed and Her attention fell on me. “Can I interest you in a card trick?” “You're God.” “That I am. So how about it? Pick a card. Any card..” “What are— How are You in— Why are You here?” I couldn't find the right question, but this seemed like as good a start as any. “I'm doing card tricks, and where else to do them but here? Las Vegas, baby!” “But... You're GOD!?” I blurted out. Then I added “Why are You doing card tricks in Las Vegas?” “I'm just chilling! Enjoying life! Who are you to judge? You blew $13k in six nights! Come on, pick a card.” “But how can You be 'chilling' when the world is so fucked?! Oh sorry, can I swear in front of You?” “It's fine,” God laughed, “I've heard worse. Look, just take a card and all will be revealed.” She winked at me. I was getting a bit annoyed, but maybe this was one of these 'tests of faith' that you hear so much about. So I took a breath, trying to calm myself and picked a card from somewhere in the middle. It was the nine of hearts. “Hold onto that card. Sign it, but don't show Me.” “Aren't You omniscient?” She started shuffling the rest of the deck while I scribbled my name. “Oh, come on. Let's pretend. Replace the card.” She fanned the deck and I put the card back. “Look, it would be easy for Me to do the trick, so how about you shuffle the deck?” She handed me the deck and I began shuffling. “When I gave you humans free will I also gave up control over what you'll do. Flip over the deck and look at the cards.” I did as God told me. “It's pure chaos,” She continued, “I couldn't control the path you humans would take. Just like I can't control the order that you shuffle these cards in. Turn them over again and continue shuffling.” I again followed Her instruction. “What I know is that it will all turn out well in the end. What was your card?” “Nine of hearts.” “When you're done flip over the deck.” I flipped over the deck and found it to be in complete order: seven, eight, nine and the rest of diamonds, followed by hearts, clubs and spades. But one card was missing. “Looking for this?” She handed me a card face down. “I know that there's lots of stuff that's going completely wrong in the world. I didn't mean for that all to happen, but I can assure you that it will all turn out fine in the end. And in the meantime we can only do the best of it.” My head was racing with all the things wrong with this stupid explanation, but then in a blink She was gone. No trace of Her or Her suitcase. I was confused. Had I been hallucinating? Stranger things happened in Vegas. But then I felt the card in my hand. I flipped it over. It was the nine of hearts, with my signature. But next to it there now was some text in elegant calligraphy: “I met God and all I got was this lousy playing card.”