OptionalFiction

I take off my backpack and sit down on one of the higher seats, those that are above one of the wheels. I put the backpack up on my lap and catch my breath. I really had to run to catch this bus. But I was lucky. This is the last one tonight. The connection in this rural area is pretty terrible. I look at the window. It's pitch black outside. Instead I see the cute woman reflected that sits a couple rows down. She's in one of the rows facing back, facing me. Absentmindedly I admire her curly bob. Suddenly her gaze shifts and she stares directly at me. I'm stunned, unable to avert my gaze. Her expression changes into something between annoyance and disgust. The shame of having been caught staring frees me to turn away quickly, but I drop my backpack in the process. Embarrassed I bend down to pick it up, but from this high seat I can barely reach it. I can feel the eyes on me and slide down from my seat. Just in that moment the bus drives through a pothole and the bump throws me out of my seat and I crash my face against the hand rail. I wince, but try not to make any noise. Just pass it off. People are staring. I grab my backpack and sit back up. The pain now starts to register. My lower lip and chin ache. I fight back tears. Don't cry in public. I look around me. There's a guy in army uniform behind me giving me judgemental looks. One guy in a baseball cap is smoking a cigarette. I taste blood in my mouth. I swallow it down and search with my tongue for a wound. Though the search proves unsuccessful I again taste blood. I look at my reflection in the window, checking for anything. The blackness of the night makes it difficult to make out details, so instead I fish out my phone from my backpack. I notice that it's a bit wet. I grope around and notice that the bottom of my backpack is very soggy. Damn, the drop must've broken the bottle. At least it's just water. I dry my phone on my pullover. Then I open the selfie camera and check my chin again. Looks okay. “Are you taking a picture of me?” the woman exclaims indignantly. I quickly drop my phone back into my backpack. “No—” “Whatever,” she scoffs. I can feel the angry looks around me. How much longer will I have to endure this? I look up at the display for the stop sequence, but it's broken. I know the driver announced some stop, but I didn't really pay attention. I look outside trying to identify any landmarks. Acres and the occasional tree. Not helpful. Maybe I can check on my phone. I decide it's best not to get it out of the backpack again and instead turn on the display in there. It only flashes on briefly, before going black again. I repeatedly hit the power button to no avail. Maybe the water made it short circuit? But I guess the time was 2:40? I'm not sure since I saw it only so briefly. But 2:40 would mean that the next stop could be mine. I hesitate a moment, but then I press the “request stop” button. Shortly after the bus stops and the doors open. I don't recognize the stop. It's probably the next one. But the doors do not close. The bus does not continue on. The driver gets out of his seat and turns to face us passengers. “Someone pressed the stop button. Someone has to get off here.” I shrink into my seat. He doesn't know it was me. I'm sure he's just making a joke. But he continues to stand there, unmoving. “I think it was that weird lanky guy over there,” the woman says, pointing at me. My heart shatters into a thousand pieces. Out of everything being misgendered hurts the most. I thought that the long hair, the earrings, the slim fitting pants, and the pink backpack would let me pass. I had walked around like this the whole weekend. Nobody had said a thing. But now she showed me that everyone was silently reading me wrong, judging me as something I was not. Or at least tried not to be. “Didn't you hear the driver, bro?” The military dude shoves me from behind. My throat goes tight. Like in a trance I get up and leave the bus. As the doors close behind me I hear the guy in the baseball cap comment “Fucking faggot.” The army guy laughs. The bus speeds off.